dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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