if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize