So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
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Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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