so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
