I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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