You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
