I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
