it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
