tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It was confusing and full of hummus
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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