yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
