wrigley field is MILF paradise
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
