You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
