I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
