Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
