Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
