I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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