Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
