u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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