i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
