you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
