They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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