Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
