You can't special order awesome
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
