My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
