i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
