So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
