i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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