Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
