He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
