Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
