I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
