I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
