I wish I could punch you in the face.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
