Betty ford says i'm here all night
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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