Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
