Betty ford says i'm here all night
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
