"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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