just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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