Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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