My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
