She's like a pop up book from hell.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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