I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
