my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
