dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
