Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Alive.
So much puke
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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