My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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