I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
