I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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