I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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