so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
wow bdsm is so cute
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
