Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
