Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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