brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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