Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
