He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wish my penis had a tongue
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize
