my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
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did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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