If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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