found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
