I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
