just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
