No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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