oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
