If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
