I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
