i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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