Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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