This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
