just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
