New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
