My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
