so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
