i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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