My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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