they need to just BURY HIM!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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