I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
