I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
